Emotional immaturity stemming from past hurt, unresolved anger, or childhood wounds can come on so fast its like a flash flood leaving the adult version of you going under and swept away. By the time you come up for air, finding some sort of branch of reality to cling to, you realize the damage that has already been done.
I am so guilty of relapsing back into old patterns of self destructiveness, pushing people away, or verbally lashing out unconsciously when it feels like my world is crumbling. My flash flood hit this week, and as I sit here going over it all I realize that I am taking on too much, adding too much to my plate trying to please everyone and make as much money as I can so my daughter can get through college. But in the process of doing all that I am neglecting myself in so many ways and blaming others because I am not getting what I need to stay emotionally healthy, present, clam, loved, and centered.
I trust the universe to provide us with all we need to live the life we are meant to live. But sometimes I forget that trust means letting go of control. The more I try to control it by working as much as possible I am depleting my own tank, burying any trust I have with stress and worry, and pretty soon old wounds show up that have nothing to do with the situation or people in it at all. I remember being a young girl working so hard, doing all I could to get good grades, clean the house, help in the kitchen, be a good softball player… it never seemed to be “enough” to get them to be proud of me or even like me that much. As I take on more than I should to help as much as I can to pay for Breea’s college dreams to come true, the bills keep adding up, the fees, the tuition, the sorority dues all keep rolling in and I feel like no matter what I am doing, how much or how hard I work, it is simply not enough. The past comes back and BAM — flash flood.
In order to live a resilient life we have to learn to recognize the warning signs and heed the emotional weather alerts going off inside of us. I felt it coming on a week ago. I ignored the inner voice whispering to me, “Michelle, you are stretching yourself too thin already. Pass on this one and trust that everything will work out in your favor.” I took on that last-minute job that left my sensible, emotionally mature adult self clinging to a branch wondering how I got there.
I have learned just how critical it is to check in with myself daily and ask myself if all I am doing is in balance with you getting all I need to stay emotionally healthy. The formula: Ask and listen and follow inner guidance that will lead you back to TRUST.
Are you giving too much of your time to everything and everyone else and forgetting about your own needs? If so be careful. You may be approaching an emotional flash flood zone.